its 2am

& im siting here tinkin of wat to write
ders so much things in my mind
but i juz cudnt gather it in words
im juz been so emo lately

its nt dat im nt letting myself to be happy
its juz dat ders much burden im taking in me
no1 knows
no1 undstands y im behaving like this
however , Patchy & Princey are my sunshine!
i juz ned to play with them , hug them
dey'll sit there quietly while i talk it out

i felt i was cursed with probs & sadness
ever since my 21st bday
last year was my worst year of all
in & out of the hospitals

Ppl usually say dat *wow , life starts at 21!!*
well yeah , mine started on a hard ground
yeap~ u may say im nt grateful enuf for the happy things dat happened
but wen one sadness is enuf to clear out the happiness in you
rite?

mum juz had to find out dat she hav cancer
whole family was so sad cuz of it but all we cud do is pray
it wasnt easy for us & most of all my dad
i was telling God , did u mean to make me mature thru all this?

ever since i was young
i keep praying everynite
asking God pls nt to take grandpa & granny up with him so fast
cz i wan them to attend my wedding & see me wit kids
i was so close to them , dat i throw tantrums aft knwing i had to shift to KL
i cried da whole way thru to KL
coming back penang for skol holidays was da ever best thing i cud ask for

at times thoughts like this appear in my brain
i cudnt help it but to let it out thru tears
i dun wana keep it as it will make things worst
being in penang makes things worst
cz i still hope to feel grandpa's presence

mummy still do cry at times
& me? almost everynite..
CNY 1st day we're going to his grave to see him
but i wana go der once i go back penang

sry for the emo post ,
im still very sad over this
finals was 2 weeks aft his death
& i tell u , i had to force myself to study
today marks the 1 month of his death

if there is a telephone created especially for ppl like me
to talk to the ppl above
i wud be the 1st one to get it n call grandpa
=)