Friday 24 December 2010

Its Christmas time ..

Christmas Pictures, Images and Photos


Tis the season to be Jolly'
so be merry & happy
have a Merry Happy Christmas people!

im at Ipoh rite now
juz got here in the morning
later tonite we'll hav a family buffet dinner in a hotel
=D

will be here til monday
heh*
yes ponteng class on monday again
=p

Cheers Ah Kong ,
i bet the Christmas season up der wud be nicer than here rite?
send us presents from up above puhlezz..
i wan all passes for my finals soon
i'll be a good good gurl ,
i promise!

Wednesday 22 December 2010

You muz be proud...

Photobucket

staring blankly to the sky
seeing birds flying by
time seems to past around swiftly
as im standing still

Ah Kong u muz be proud of us
of our family
as we gathered together to talk & pray
ties wudnt break tho ur not here physically with us

picking up ur bones today
juz made me realize that humans are actually brittle
a small container cud actually fill up a person's whole body
grandma cried much
but non of us cried during the burial process
as we were trying to be strong for granny

*Goodbye Ah Kong , will miss you*
those wer the last words i said
i hope to see u soon one day
singing amazing grace to welcome us in joining you der

me sitting here at the com table
i cud hear sum1's crying in the room
but im not sure who
every1 is in a very emotional mood now
tho we alws put up a happy face during the day

Mum told me a heart wrenching news
my aunty told her dat my grandpa was asking for me
wen he was in da ambulance on his last trip back to home
i shud have sneak my way in to see him earlier that morn
why didnt i??!!!
(T.T)

as he lay der in his bed
i was holding his hand & rubbing it against mine
he was cold
so so cold

Ah Kong ,
now i got no1 to fold my umbrella for me aft its dry
now i got no1 to wait for me if i come home late
now i got no1 to remind me of things wen i misplaced it
i got no1 to replace ur place in my heart

Thank you ,
for giving me protection wen im noty
for giving me extra money to spend wen u knw im broke
for alws asking hw am i wen im nt around u
for implementing a habit in me to sleep hugging my bolster
for alws being my santa claus
for showering ur care & concern
Thank You much Ah Kong!
i knw u wer very strict with ur kids
but to ur grandkids ur not

it feels so so weird nt having u around
seeing u in the coffin for those 3 days ,
i reali cudnt accept it yet.

heart is stil very heavy
heavy with sorrows
tinking of u cudnt at least spend ur last christmas with us
; it breaks.

this year for the first time
im nt spending Christmas wit my home church
family made the decision to all go down to Ipoh
we wana stay as a family thru this time of sadness

to the ,
Chew's , Kok's , Yaw's & Leow's
may we stand strong as a family.

Monday 20 December 2010

The Chains are gone

He's been set free....

its the 2nd day dat he's gone
gone from this place called Earth
as he wen back to his Almighty Father up in Heaven
He wen peacefully without pain & regret

been busy helping in the preparation for the funeral
cud hardly sleep , cud hardly think on the 1st day
it was very sad
super sad to see him gasp for his last breath right before my eyes

ambulance rush him back home yday
his heart stopped twice on that very morning
docs cudnt do nything anymore

he reached home , every1 rush down
they carried him to his bed
seeing him so weak lying there
i cudnt stop myself from crying

he had a wish dat is to gather every1 by his bed side
he got his wish on dat very day he past away

before he gasp his last breath
he said he wana go sunshine square to shop
and at the same time he wana hold our hands tightly
i held him tight
he was so cold , so cold till i reali cudnt accept it dat he is so weak

he was fine da day b4
but why today so weak???!!
i ask God
WHY??

every1 was crying while talking & singing by his bed side
my hands neva left his heart
checking his heart beat
& i was the first to knw dat he had gone
(T.T)

wen his heart beat stop
i told them , He's gone
no1 wana believe it
so i put my ears to listen to his heart
tears ran down my cheecks
& i look up with teary eyes
*He is reali gone*

Thursday 16 December 2010

History maker

i need Miracles

God i need miracles to happen again
i knw im asking too much in a year
but i knw u knw why
u could see clearly from above rite?

spent whole nite in da hospital waiting
till 8am wen home & rest
me sis n aunt was der with him da whole nite
in & out he wen from the emergency room

it came to a point wen we gota take up tough decision
but it wasnt as tough decision as we had to make now
Now , we are risking his life for the surgery
Docs says oni 20% of survival rate
& aft surgery there will be much complications

we ask him whether he wans to go thru it
without telling him hw much is he risking it
he said he wana risk it
granny says risk it too

it was real tough
tears running down da cheeks without realising
i cud see dat granny tryin to act tough & nt cry
in her heart
she muz be very very pain

it all started last nite
wen he was talkin to me
i was upstairs he was downstairs
all of a sudden , a hard hit on the ground
i rush down
juz to see him lying face flat on the ground
heart was so freaking pain
tears are hold back cz it wont make things beta
blood was gushing out from his nose like water
a tooth came off & cut his nose
cheeks & forehead hav cuts
ambulance came & rush him to the hosp

i drove alone to the hosp
as sis wen with him in da ambulance
park the car & saw a dead body in da police truck
shivers wen down my spine

one thing lead to another
they found a lump at his main artery
near the abdomen
so now , its dat thing we are worried of

to take risk or nt?
mum , aunt , uncle nw are juz beside him
deciding on wats best
all i cud do is sit here & pray for miracles

granny said
i wan wats best for him
i wan him to live longer
i dont mind taking care of him
but im nt stopping him from going back to his father
he lived well all these years
his time is almost up to go back

aft hearing this
i juz cudnt contain it anymore

Tuesday 14 December 2010

Me to We


Saturday 11 December 2010

weekend escape

Goin KL for the weekend
*LOVESSS*
=D
juz to shop
believe or nt?

P2 test over
& i knw im a loser
(>.<)
Next up
P1 test on wed
aiyoyoyo....
test everyday
test all the way

Monday 6 December 2010

All she knows

She knows better but
She can't help it
Wanna tell her
But would that be selfish
How do you heal
A heart that can't feel, it's broken
His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows
His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows


All she knows by Bruno Mars

i felt like i was a third party
singing to myself
without me knowing , tears ran down my cheeks
cz its true
dat's all i oni knw

emptiness filled the heart
as i wake up from my dreamland
i struggled to prevent myself from waking up to the cruel reality
but i fail

crying soothe the soul much
cz if i force myself to stop from pouring out
it hurts even more in the inside

he will be happy
i will be happy
it juz need some time

i wana dip in a pool of icy water
cz for now its oni the heart dat is numb
for it to feel beta
i rather to be numb from head to toe

numb heart

im superbly tired
felt like i lost my voice
throat hurts so so much
sales is not my thing
i hate it much
i've alws say dat i wud neva work as sales promoter
but i still do
wat to do?
the oni part time job for students

last day
=)

u wer alws on my mind
tho i was busy & uptight wit sales
nt a day passed by without u crossing thru my brain
Heart is totally numb
Eyes are alws teary
Mouth is forced to smile
Brain alws telling the heart *its alrite*

NITE i fear the most
darkness weaken the soul
eyes are forced to shut
but tears eventually find its way to fall out

Saturday 4 December 2010

Grenade

I’d catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

i wrote for u this b4
i would & i will
dats hw much i've fallen so deep with u

almost teared up few times
as i think bout him
was so stress , was so tired
all i ever wantd to hear was oni his voice
to soothe my soul
he was the ever 1st person i call wen im happy
he was the ever 1st person i talk to wen im sad
he was the ever 1st person who followed me thru thick & thin

at one point
i heard sum1 said the word *stylo*
i stopped for a moment
hoping dat it was him
i looked around but in heart i knw its impossible
he wud alws say the word *stylo milo*
& i wud alws giggle cz of the word

i wantd to call
i wantd to msg
but i din cz i knw he hates me much
he wudnt wana hear me cry over the phone

i wen to my inbox
cz i wantd to find the msg dat my agent send to me
i stumble , i shivered
as i had to go thru msges from him cz i din delete it since last week
i almost burst into tears infront of every1
but i hold back & wen toilet to cool down


wen thru my album last nite
bumped into pictures of us
started cryin like no ones business
we wer happy
we wer actually concern with our future together
& most of all
we actually did think & talk bout our future together
nw its gone
all gone

i dun knw whether he was ever happy with me
cz he neva says hw lucky
or hw happy he is being in this relationship
we took each other for granted
therefore , this is the result

i so wana ask
*how are u today?*
*do u hav flu today?*
*izit getting beta or worst?*
*have u taken ur med?*
*had u have chocos today?*
*how many games of hon had u played?*
*are u sleepy?*
*are u tired?*
& lastly
* did u MISS ME today?*

i so wana talk to u
but i juz cudnt
its killing me much
& u knw it well.


stil MARU....

History repeating itself
i gota pull myself outta it again
been der done it~
i will pull thru
i will pull thru

its easy to get into a relationship
but its hard to get urself out of it
i dun knw
dats juz reality

wen i stop & stare
even for a second
i cud feel dat my eyes are getting watery
i gota repeat
its alrite
its alrite

he juz cudnt undstand
he juz wudnt wana undstand
no point to keep pushing on
as if nothing ever happen

5 years wen like dat
down da drain
i tot dat 5 years of relationship
we wud actually be stable & be undstanding
but no..
time prove us wrong!

5 years wasted like dat
he wud blame dat its my fault
& i wudnt say its fully my fault

i alws wantd to prove ppl wrong
dat actually highskol sweethearts wud surpass any hard blow
& wud be strong
as we both had gave in our 5 years into this relationship
5 years is nt a short time
for us to last that long & be with each other tat long
it actually proves dat we had found the rite match

like ppl say
wen one joins college he/she wud change
yes we did ,
but we stil stayed true to each other
but well der wer lies he kept & dint tell me
& der wer white lies dat i kept cz i knw he'll dislike it if i tell

all these years ,
a fren is alws a fren to me
no matter its a she/he
i knw he doesnt believe in having guys as my bestfren
as for him ,
gals & guys cud neva be best of frenz
but i tell u ,
dey are oni frenz which i hav no feelings for

i cud swear i din cheat
but i cudnt swear dat i told a few white lies
most of it wer acceptable white lies
but as i said
a NO is a NO for him

as i had him
he has alws been der for me
as my best buddy & a great advisor
but aso a nagger
i oni had him
n swayed away from others
i depend so much on him cz i look up to him much

nw im alone
i wont complain
i try nt to fall
& i dun wana depend on others too
u may see as if im tryin to act tough
but im nt
but i shall learn the hard way

a broken heart kills the soul
but hey ,
dats wat u'll get wen u open ur heart for love to come it
its nt evil ,
its juz dat u've lost sum1 dear to u
whom had stick by u thru thick n thin 24hrs daily by ur side
the feeling of losing a piece of u is worst than a broken heart

i promise myself nt to cry today ,
but i stil did
writing this juz brings back happy memories of us
njying each other's company never bore us

yeap im nt willing to let go
but its nt my will power to get us back together
cz u ned both hands to clap
i reali thought we cud actually walk down the road of life together.

Damiru wei mu

Thursday 2 December 2010

Poured out

one of the few times dat i wud pour out my probs here
im secretive
but nt this post..

i dun knw wat i did wrong to be left standing alone
it was a briefing at 9pm
nt reali late at nite
he asked me nt to go
but still i wen cz i din wana giv bad impression to the boss
i admit dat i TRIED to LIE
but i dint
i felt so guilty for doing so dats y i spilled it out aft dat
however the outcome was
me getting dumped!

i tried to explain
i tried to talk n make him understand
but i jz dun knw y he dont wana listen
he said i LIED too many times
but i tell u
i lie for reasons
u ask me nt to go but if i dun go i may loose the job
& he said lose mah lose lo
HOW can u talk such thing?!
i work cz i wana earn my own damn money
& u knw it i so wana get a new handphone
but y u juz wudnt undstand??
if i dun work , will u pay me 80bucks per day with high commission?
ur alws against me working part time
WHY??!!
u feel insecure??
wat about my future permanent jobs??!!
am i to sit at home everyday n look at the wall?
wudnt u be happy dat im all independent myself
& not sitting at home wasting my parent's money?
u get all u ever wanted
i dont get nythin dat i ever wantd
i got earn my way up to get it
u neva undrstnd hw hard izit to work as a promoter
u juz dont..
all u do is to complain dat i work & dont hav enuf time for u

i called u picked up
but u neva let me talk
all u wana hear is ur own voice & ur own decision
me left to wonder whether wat i did was correct or wrong
u knw..
i cud actually lie my way thru it
but i didnt
i was in such hard position on whether to tell u or nt

ask urself y i lie..
its bcz u din wana let me go for briefing
ITS JUZ BRIEFING!
& u knw wat?
dey tested us on hw much we knew bout da hp
& dats all
ur my bf but ur nt my boss
so next time in future , u expect me to listen to u or my head boss?
are u paying me?
ur juz my other half who shud undstnds the scenario b4 puttin ur own decision on me
i can be urs , but im not urs to be control
im a human with feelings
nt a robot who listens to oni the owner.

i knw i lied
i admit i did TRIED to lie
cz i din wan us to be torn juz cz i had to go for a briefing which oni took an hour or so at paparich
i din sin cz i wen
i sin cz i tried to lie to prevent us from arguin
but u din hav the authority to stop me from goin
im working for them
& its a worker's responsibility to do wat they are asked to

briefing on the hp
& we wer test on hw well we knw the hp cz we r the frontline person
the boss wasnt der
oni the SIS distributor personel wer der to brief us thru

im scared of u
im controlled by u
i reali dint mind
cz i juz wantd us to be happy dats all
but it was so tight till i din knw wat to do
nw u juz let me go for reasons dat u assume it to be true
i dun knw y u juz cudnt listen to wat i wana say
ur YES means YES
ur NO means NO
like a DICTATOR of my life
so now , tell me y i wana lie?
i did it for the best of us
i din cheat
i din go alone
if u let urself down , listen to me
undstand my situation
things wudnt go this way

everything is now crashed
being alone with myself at least i cud contain my tears
but wen i talk to sum1 else
der goes the showers from my eyes

i tried calling many times
but it alws fail me
as he shut his hp off
so shall i
to prevent myself from doin ny stupid things
now im NUMB to the core.

for nw im gona live a day at a time.
wish me luck!