Poured out

one of the few times dat i wud pour out my probs here
im secretive
but nt this post..

i dun knw wat i did wrong to be left standing alone
it was a briefing at 9pm
nt reali late at nite
he asked me nt to go
but still i wen cz i din wana giv bad impression to the boss
i admit dat i TRIED to LIE
but i dint
i felt so guilty for doing so dats y i spilled it out aft dat
however the outcome was
me getting dumped!

i tried to explain
i tried to talk n make him understand
but i jz dun knw y he dont wana listen
he said i LIED too many times
but i tell u
i lie for reasons
u ask me nt to go but if i dun go i may loose the job
& he said lose mah lose lo
HOW can u talk such thing?!
i work cz i wana earn my own damn money
& u knw it i so wana get a new handphone
but y u juz wudnt undstand??
if i dun work , will u pay me 80bucks per day with high commission?
ur alws against me working part time
WHY??!!
u feel insecure??
wat about my future permanent jobs??!!
am i to sit at home everyday n look at the wall?
wudnt u be happy dat im all independent myself
& not sitting at home wasting my parent's money?
u get all u ever wanted
i dont get nythin dat i ever wantd
i got earn my way up to get it
u neva undrstnd hw hard izit to work as a promoter
u juz dont..
all u do is to complain dat i work & dont hav enuf time for u

i called u picked up
but u neva let me talk
all u wana hear is ur own voice & ur own decision
me left to wonder whether wat i did was correct or wrong
u knw..
i cud actually lie my way thru it
but i didnt
i was in such hard position on whether to tell u or nt

ask urself y i lie..
its bcz u din wana let me go for briefing
ITS JUZ BRIEFING!
& u knw wat?
dey tested us on hw much we knew bout da hp
& dats all
ur my bf but ur nt my boss
so next time in future , u expect me to listen to u or my head boss?
are u paying me?
ur juz my other half who shud undstnds the scenario b4 puttin ur own decision on me
i can be urs , but im not urs to be control
im a human with feelings
nt a robot who listens to oni the owner.

i knw i lied
i admit i did TRIED to lie
cz i din wan us to be torn juz cz i had to go for a briefing which oni took an hour or so at paparich
i din sin cz i wen
i sin cz i tried to lie to prevent us from arguin
but u din hav the authority to stop me from goin
im working for them
& its a worker's responsibility to do wat they are asked to

briefing on the hp
& we wer test on hw well we knw the hp cz we r the frontline person
the boss wasnt der
oni the SIS distributor personel wer der to brief us thru

im scared of u
im controlled by u
i reali dint mind
cz i juz wantd us to be happy dats all
but it was so tight till i din knw wat to do
nw u juz let me go for reasons dat u assume it to be true
i dun knw y u juz cudnt listen to wat i wana say
ur YES means YES
ur NO means NO
like a DICTATOR of my life
so now , tell me y i wana lie?
i did it for the best of us
i din cheat
i din go alone
if u let urself down , listen to me
undstand my situation
things wudnt go this way

everything is now crashed
being alone with myself at least i cud contain my tears
but wen i talk to sum1 else
der goes the showers from my eyes

i tried calling many times
but it alws fail me
as he shut his hp off
so shall i
to prevent myself from doin ny stupid things
now im NUMB to the core.

for nw im gona live a day at a time.
wish me luck!