back to square one.

as i write this..

my tears neva stop rolling down my cheecks..

im seriously in a bad condition now..

as if i cud endure da pain of a knive poke straightly into my heart

cuz my heart is so much in pain now

dat it cud endure ny pain physically...

felt like my world juz crushed like dat...

felt like all my sacrifices been put to waste..

felt like im all left in tis world alone

and not evn a single bein cud heal it..

its been crushed

broken into millions of pieces

but it neva fails to be mend back to its original

u will neva knw how it reali feels till u experience it urself...

u may say im stupid to think of taking a knive to cut my heart out..

but u neva knw how it reali hurts...

it hurts to the core..

i knw time will heal..

but it will take months..or probably years..

i knw dun wat i did wrong to deserve this..

cuz all i juz wan was ur care..

is dat too much to ask for?

i keep tellin myself to think straight...

do not cry..

do not think stupidly

and do not act dumb...

i knw im irritating at time...

i knw im annoying at times..

but all i wanted was...

ur attention...

was tat too much?

past 3 days i was able to reali talk to u..

do u knw hw i wen thru those nites?

did u knw hw sad i was?

so much stuff on my brain..

so many complicated things..

i juz ned u there to console me..

was dat too much for u?

i stil cudnt stop myself from cryin...

da words u say reali pierce thru my heart..

im such a dumbo...

im such an stupid blonde bitch..

this year has been reali tough..

and it will be tougher cuz i hav to face it alone..

this year its like a curse for me...

a reali bad 1...

i tink i'll end up in hospital cuz of dehydration for crying too much..

not juz bcuz of u..

der is other reason to it..

i dun knw how to face it alone...

i tot i cud sought comfort in u wen im all left alone..

but now...

tables turned...

not evn u will be der for me ady...

it hurts...

it seriously hurts...

i knw i wasnt all ur fault..

blame it on my bitchy-ness..

i dun knw how am i to go thru for tonite.