Do u believe in ur own Religion?

this post is super personal and da real me...
DO NOT look at me one kind aft readin it....
oni ppl in my position will knw wat im goin thru...



u could scold or critise me...
i dun care...
cuz i admit....
i did doubted for being a Christian...

im a pastor's daughter so wat?...doesnt mean we all are born pppuuurrrrfect and neva doubted on things in life....

i doubt more cuz i din have a chance to choose..aft i rch 12 i began to tink twice...is tis da real GOD?is he da GOD we shud pray to?..

of course i din tell my parents i was tinkin like tis...dey wud KILL me!!!i told my bro...parents are hard to talk with...cuz dey dun knw da way we tink...dey will keep on lecture n lecture on y we tink like dat...i tell nything...from sick to studies...or life...all dey say is *PRAY*...gosh im sick and tired of listening to dat word when i wan them to reali knw wat im goin thru. if nything cud b easily settle by juz praying...then why on tis earth der is stil so much prob goin on??im not saying praying is useless...juz dat we ned to see da reality.Doesnt mean ur sick..u juz pray n u will get well without taking ny med...rite??things juz dun happen wen u juz pray....YEAH ya i knw...pray aso GOD"S answer will b OK , NO , or WAIT...

im not a good believer...i hardly read da bible...*yeah i admit dat*...and when my fren came talkin to me bout facts vs any religion...i got stuck!

he is a free tinker...n free tinkers are da scariest!cuz all dey talk is FACTS FACTS FACTS!!!der is no GOD on tis earth and everything happen for a reason...i did go MAD when i talk to him..i try to make him understand dat there is GOD on earth..it took me years to stick those stuff to his head...and thank god now his gf is a believer...so he may shut up on his facts and believe in GOD.

somehow i was suprise with myself...y din i fall for those FACTS?since i wasnt strong with my beliefs...y i din believe in wat he says??i was so confuse at one stage...no 1 cud help me at dat point...ny1 who try to talk thru my head will neva succeed...BUT i got up...slowly tryin to believe in GOD again..yeah im weak...but i stil have my trust in HIM.

GOD test my family alot in da past...u all have no idea wat we wen thru..too much stuff to mention n some u all might not believe..juz to clean my dad from all his spirits...i vomited more than 15times in a day...BELIEVE OR NOT?up to u guys....at one point i was labeled as *DA EVIL OF DA FAMILY*...n yes i was DEEPLY HURT...i turn away...from family and GOD...tis things stil haunt me...til now...i stil do tink im da EVIL one...its stuck to my head...weneva der is an arguement...i do tink its my fault cuz im da EVIL one...

im not strong...but hope to be in da future...

i DO believe der is GOD up der watching us...covering us from harm...but things dat happen preventing me from goin near to HIM.

so plz dont tink im super HOLY cuz my dad is...do not say dat i HAVE TO BE one cuz of my dad...im struggling...

i aint perfect!i hav my own views and thoughts...let me deal with myself

i may look as im alrite...but deep inside im not...
however i knw dat im on da rite path d....but da path is a rocky road....