im a bad role model...

today i din hav ny classes n i was suppose to spent my day studyin 4 my OHR test tis fri...bt then...plans change!hehehe...as usual...my studyin plans wil alws change to go out plan!hahaha...

mum came to png to stay for a nite...so we wen out...bt its nt goin for shoppin..its to go to library!!...bt sad to say dat..i hate readin books!accept for da text books dat i need to read 4 me to pass my xms..hehe...nyway..i luv dat library..cz it had a great nice view frm da second floor...da library is located at batu ferringi n its on top on da hill side...so cool rite??da road to go up der is very very steep...if im da 1 drivin..i wont dare to drive up der..so geli..hehe...its a baptist seminary library..my dad sign up for da membership..dats y we cud to borrow christian books frm der...n as u knw i hate readin books...i din borrow any...hehe..i wen der wit my text book..wen up to da second floor n studied der...haha..cudnt belief eh??=p...bt b4 i cud actualy concentrate on my text book...i saw a magazine for coll students called 'collegiate'...i dun tink we cud get tis frm ny christian stores in m'sia cz i neva seen it b4 in those shops...actualy i din knw der is ny christian mag aso..haha..til i wen to tis library..last time i use to borrow another mag..i 4gt wats da name of it d..bt its quite nice to read..things bout our daily lives n hw to face it as a christian...alws weneva i read those mag...i wud alws say to myself dat i wana b a gud christian..bt aft readin i wud alws return to my ways of living...*im a bad christian rite??*...hmm...

sumtimes i evn forget to pray b4 i sleep..evn tho b4 sleepin my baby wil alws tel me to pray 1st...*i knw im old d*....i dun read bible nymore..last time i wud giv da excuse as no time...bt nw..i got so much time bt spent it on my dramas...hmmm...y did i change so much??=(...sumtimes i dun listen to da sermons in church..bt i jz pretend to sit der n listenin..my daily life wit god has drop to da lowest point..i cudnt tel my parents tis..cz dey wil kill me!!*u knw y*...haihz..n i hate it wen i tel them anything..they wil jz say...'jz pray my gal'...haiyo..i hate to hear dat answer!..if everythin cud b solve by jz prayin..then every1 wud hav gotten wat dey wanted n every problems in life wud b solve wit jz a prayer..i knw i shudnt b saying all tis...cz its a shame on me as a pastor's daughter...bt i dun care...tis is da real me!!!i aint gona put a mask n act as a super holy religious gal infront of ppl...those frenz dat r close to me wil knw tis...n aso my bro..n i super had it dat ppl say da fact of pastor's kids knws da bible alot...n its super holy...haihz..too bad..dat dun fit me!my dad is da 1 who decided to b a pastor nt us!!..if i hav an option...i dun wana b a pastor's daughter...cz weneva ders is quiz on da bibble..ppl tend to look at us n expect us to knw da answers...

bt i stil do trust in god...jz dat i aint close to him..probably cz of an incident dat happen in my life dat i totaly trusted n prayed to god bt it din wen da way i wanted..n dat was da turnin point wer i felt so dissapointed...my bro knws bout it..bt i jz cudnt tel my parents..til nw da dissapointment is stil der..i hope dat time wil heal my dissapointment n hope dat i'll go bak on track wit god..